Ben

Today was one of those Mondays. I couldn't seem to figure out why it was s-t-r-u-g-g-l-i-n-g along, but we both just kind of existed today. Nothing super productive got done (except keeping my most important priority alive and *mostly* happy....it was a hard day). Hannah was fussy for no apparent reason and needed to be held (she always does, but even more than always) and Paul is out of town. Maybe the two are related. She sure adores her daddy and lit up when she heard his voice on the phone. She's such a doll. Anyway, we just kind of rode the waves today. Neither of us got out of our pajamas. All day. So when she really wanted to go outside this evening, I hardly even thought about us trekking off in our pj's. OK, so mine probably just looked like workout clothes, but still not what I usually wear outside my home.

Anyway, Hannah LOVES her some swing-time, so as we let the sun settle behind West Mountain, I pushed my girl to and fro and made small talk with a cute family until they left. It was cute that when we were talking about our kids' names, we realized that their daugher's name (Grace) was on our list and Hannah was on theirs. They both mean the same thing, you know. Beautiful names.

Anyway, shortly after the cute family left, we were joined by a lone boy, Ben, who opened up and told me much about his life. He is eight years old, and basically lives "in lots of places." His parents are split up, and while he lives with his mother in Pennsylvania most of the year, he spends his summer and holidays with his dad. He talked about how "kids without parents" eat free on airplanes and how he flies out with his brother. We talked about school and how his mom used to be a doctor. We talked about everything and when I started to feel it was getting late, I asked who was with him. "Just me" he said, explaining that his dad had dropped him off and that he comes all the time. Eight years old and a "long walk" home alone. I kept him talking and learned about his patched up family of siblings and step-siblings, his mother's three marriages, places he had lived, his friends, etc. and how his mom is remarried but his dad "probably never will." Call me nosy, but I wanted to know more about his dad. "Does your dad date?" I asked carefully. "Well, he would rather date a man than a girl," he told me, laughing nervously. "My dad is basically gay." My heart sank and I looked at this beautiful child (sorry, this handsome kid who is tough and plays tackle football....) and I felt for him and all of the hurt and confusion he has dealt with at this young age. I can only imagine the kind of marriage his parents had before they split knowing how much friction different sexual orientations would cause in a relationship. He mentioned that his step dad can be "pretty mean" and that his real dad is nice most of the time, though the look on his face said so much. I wished I could take this boy home with me and give him a stable, secure home with a family that wasn't going anywhere. How is he going to find stability in this life when all around him is complete chaos? We said our goodbyes and he stayed on the playground. I could tell he wasn't anxious to go back to his dad's. As we slowly walked back home, I kept thinking of little Ben and how much I wanted to help him. I tried to think of something I could do, but the only answer I could come up with was to pray. So I pray for Ben and will continue to as often as I can. And we will hopefully run into him again while he is here because I think he liked us. And I know we like him.

The Price of Humility

I had an epiphany today while sweeping my kitchen floor (yes, sometimes they do bubble up during the most mundane tasks...) I was thinking about some recent events that turned out differently than we had anticipated (and I'll admit, sort of expected) and I got to thinking. Were we overly confident to the point that it had a reverse effect? Were we not only wanting but also expecting the outcome so much that we needed to be humbled by having it not turn out? It isn't a bad thing to have confidence in something good. Without confidence, we would probably do very little well. And I don't mean boasting-with-pride confidence. But can't it easily cross over into that? I know that if I'm not careful, it does for me. So, I got to thinking about humility and being humble and all of that, and that is when the light bulb turned on. Blink. And my realization:

It costs more to be proud than to be humble.

It may seem that the greater cost is in being humble: forgoing desires, exercising patience, enduring pain, suffering, misery, etc., but it really does work the other way around. We all know that God wants us to be humble. That is a no-brainer. We also know that he would rather us humble ourselves if possible, but if not, He is happy to do it for us. Now, it might sound a little harsh to say that God will gladly humble us, but truly, it is for our own good. When we are humble, we learn better. We love better. We are more forgiving of ourselves and others and we sin much, much less. Humility is the best state to be in at all times and in any situation. So when things don't go the way we hoped, even if the outcome we wanted seemed to be in our best interest, could it be that we lost out simply to learn humility? And if a wise and loving Heavenly Father saw that that was in our best interest, can we not learn to see it too?