Life: It's about Family

The following came to me while I was thinking today:

The Stork called today…he has a beautiful baby for you that looks just like you and your handsome husband. When shall I have him delivered? What's that? You're too busy doing your Master's program? Uh-huh...No time for a baby…Well, let me see, there's the Perez family down the street. They're begging for a baby, but their faith is being tested with a fertility trial. They don't know it now, but they'll have a baby of their own in three years. But this baby can't wait that long... It's his turn now.

Let me see what else I can do….You know, I've always liked those Johnson's around the corner, but they have their hearts set on buying that new house. It's sad to see them stop at only two. They make such cute children. But, it is their choice. I'm having trouble thinking of anyone who could take this baby right now and time is running out.

Well, I don't like it, but there's that other family across the street. They have drug and alcohol addictions and will abuse this baby until he's taken away by the State, but they are the closest option I have. I guess I will call the Stork back and tell him I have found a family. I am so sorry Baby, but this is the best I can do.

President Brigham Young said:

There are multitudes of pure and holy

spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our

duty?--To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course

that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of

the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness

debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of

every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles

for all the spirits they can (Discourses of Brigham

Young, p. 197).

It is our duty to prepare bodies "...for all the spirits [we] can…"  That is one huge responsibility. And one that is not to be taken lightly. According to Brigham Young (as well as President Spencer W. Kimball who was quoting him), the number of children we have should be based on our ability, not our convenience or desires, plans or dreams. "But I've always wanted four children" doesn't cut it. What if we could have just one more? Where does that last child go? If not into our home, does that innocent baby really go to a wicked home? God's prophets don't blow smoke. Neither do they say things just because. I really believe that President Brigham Young knew how this whole family thing worked when he said this. And you better believe I will have all the children I can because I want to have my "quiver full of them" (Psalms 127:5)

What does that scripture really mean? If a quiver holds arrows, what are children to weapons? Is having a family some sort of protection against spiritual harm and danger? I believe it is. Protection against selfishness, pride and sin because having a family forces us to SACRIFICE every day of our lives. And to learn how to LOVE more than just ourselves. Yes, I believe that children are like arrows and I want my quiver packed full of 'em. To protect me from complacency and idleness. To keep me alive and childlike. To teach me the wonder of everyday things. And to remind me every day about my Maker. Because He makes children and all things good. But mostly because the more children I can have, the more I can save from a miserable life where they are taught so much about life that is false. Because I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE in this world, and more than degrees or careers or Academy Awards, this is how I can make the most difference for humanity. By opening my heart and my home to the innocent sweet little children who need it. Because I am here for them. 

I know that I would never feel comfortable "stopping" my family before God decides I'm done because I could never live with myself that way. My precious jewels are my family members and who wants to limit the number of "jewels" they own in their collection? I want all I can have because to me, this is living life with "no regrets." 

Happy is the man[and woman] that hath his [and her] quiver full of [children]:

 they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Punctual-iciousness

As I have mentioned before, I married late. Much later than I had anticipated and later than two of my younger siblings. It was a lot later than I had dreamed it would happen, but I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean, after all, Late is my middle name (and you thought you knew what it was...) My whole entire life I have been late. I was born nearly two weeks past my due date and this pushed me, not only into a new month, but into the New Year. My parents remember pushing socks onto my feet as they heard the school bus coming down our street, trying desperately to put a sense of time into my sleepy head. I, however, would just stare into the plain air, completely oblivious to the fact I was possibly going to miss my bus for school.

It took me over ten years to get my bachelor's degree. That takes a lot of courage to admit on a public blog. But then again, most of you probably already know that. It doesn't really even bother me. I was in no rush to graduate and enjoyed my time in and out of school, working, acting, etc. When I got married, I took a break from school. I would have happily put schooling aside at any time for a husband and family, but since that took so long, I ended up with a degree. And eventually my husband. And my baby.

I was late for my first date with my husband too. Almost a half hour late. And my husband highly values punctuality. Thankfully for me, he overlooked that *minor detail* and I am finally married with the family I always dreamed of having.

So why the random post about tardiness? And waiting? And being f-o-r-e-v-e-r late? Because I also became a mother late. I thought that after all of that waiting for a husband that I would have a baby right away. I gave birth to my first child at 28. I had wanted to start a family right after high school. That's a whoppin' ten year difference. And a far cry from the life I carefully scripted in my naive teenage head.

You see, God saw further than my sixteen-year-old mind could comprehend. Yes, I could have married somewhat soon after high school. But the guy I was interested in at that time wasn't right for me. And deep inside my heart, I knew it. And thankfully, I trusted that.

My husband is younger than I am. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't have married him when I was 18, because he was a minor and still in high school. At 23 when I was longing for my family, he was serving a mission for the LDS Church in Peru. When we finally met in 2009, I was already 26 and worrying that my biological sand timer was running out. What I didn't know was that it actually was. Two years and a knowledgeable doctor later, I finally had my baby girl.

With our age difference, I had pretty easily figured out why I couldn't find and marry Paul as soon as I had wanted to, but the whole infertility thing is just life. And I know it is not unique to me and I know I am so very lucky it was only two years of tearful patience. But I have learned patience. And trust. And humility. And grat-i-tude. Gratitude for what I have at each moment and not what I long for. Gratitude for God's perfect timing, his punctuality in bringing us what we need when we need it. And for the little things that make it so worth it in the end.

This post is ending up so far from where I started and planned on going, but the point I am making is the same. God understands punctuality and "on time" so much better than any of us could ever pretend to. What I have learned (and am still learning) from all of this is to TRUST GOD. 

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thy own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 So, what is my point in all of this? Trust God. Simply trust Him. Pray, do your best, and at the end of the day, know it is ALL GOING TO BE OKAY. Because He is our Father. He loves us, and He is watching over us all. That is my testimony. That I know to be as real as the sun that shines. And may it shine on all of us tomorrow.