Words

I feel the need to write. It's 1:30 a.m. and you say, "go to bed, Mary" but my thoughts will not go to bed. Night is when I come alive. My mind settles and my thoughts become clear. Clear enough to see the bottom of my pool of to-do lists, distractions, priorities, weaknesses, anxieties and all of the other things that clutter my mind during the buzz of daily living. I like quiet nighttime pondering. It shapes not only what I think, but who I am and what I am choosing to become.Writing helps me ponder.

We all have that opportunity, to choose what we want to become. And becoming is a process, not an achievement. It is a long journey. I can decide to become more patient, but never will I fully arrive at patience like we arrive at a destination. Even the most patient people on earth are still human. And humans fall short. Always. No one will get out of this life perfect. That will take longer than this life to achieve. So becoming, then, is more significant to me than achieving. Someone who is still in the process of becoming shows commitment. Willingness to try again. Refusal to quit. An accepting attitude. Humility. All of those things that allow us to recover from our mistakes. And we all make mistakes. What would this world be like if we didn't? If people could just reach all of their goals and nail it all of the time? I think it'd be awesome, but there would be nothing left to learn. And when we learn we grow. I am not done growing yet. We all have a lot to learn.

So, back to becoming, what am I going for? What is it I want to be? Hopefully, some beautiful arrangement of these attributes:

patience love wisdom kindness  

creativity joyfulness obedience passion holiness  

motherliness beauty gratitude humility

and a hundred others, this list is but a beginning.... I have such a long way to go. But since we all do, I am in good company. I am thankful to not have to make this journey alone. I could not handle learning all that I have to learn surrounded by constant perfection. It would frustrate me to the point of failure. I am bad enough comparing myself to others as it is. I know I would do worse if all of my examples and role models lacked weaknesses. If they were flawless versions of everything I aspire to be. I am thankful we have One example, Jesus Christ. He has shown us the way to live and I find comfort in the fact that He has been the ONLY perfect being on this earth. That places us all back on the same line. The mortality-weakness-imperfection-falling short-you name it-line. I like that line because that is where I am. And until I have outgrown it, that is where I will continue to be as I strive to become, as the Army puts it "all I can be."

The Price of Humility

I had an epiphany today while sweeping my kitchen floor (yes, sometimes they do bubble up during the most mundane tasks...) I was thinking about some recent events that turned out differently than we had anticipated (and I'll admit, sort of expected) and I got to thinking. Were we overly confident to the point that it had a reverse effect? Were we not only wanting but also expecting the outcome so much that we needed to be humbled by having it not turn out? It isn't a bad thing to have confidence in something good. Without confidence, we would probably do very little well. And I don't mean boasting-with-pride confidence. But can't it easily cross over into that? I know that if I'm not careful, it does for me. So, I got to thinking about humility and being humble and all of that, and that is when the light bulb turned on. Blink. And my realization:

It costs more to be proud than to be humble.

It may seem that the greater cost is in being humble: forgoing desires, exercising patience, enduring pain, suffering, misery, etc., but it really does work the other way around. We all know that God wants us to be humble. That is a no-brainer. We also know that he would rather us humble ourselves if possible, but if not, He is happy to do it for us. Now, it might sound a little harsh to say that God will gladly humble us, but truly, it is for our own good. When we are humble, we learn better. We love better. We are more forgiving of ourselves and others and we sin much, much less. Humility is the best state to be in at all times and in any situation. So when things don't go the way we hoped, even if the outcome we wanted seemed to be in our best interest, could it be that we lost out simply to learn humility? And if a wise and loving Heavenly Father saw that that was in our best interest, can we not learn to see it too?