Today I went visiting teaching. While I was preparing some bookmarks for the ladies I visit teach, I decided to write a card for my own visiting teacher who will soon be moving away to the East Coast.  She has expressed to me her desires to "get a Master's degree and possibly start a PhD program" before having children. I wanted to share what I wrote her.

Dear, sweet, [Name withheld]*
You have been an incredible visiting teacher and have taught me so much!! Thank you.
There are some things that are easier expressed in writing and before you leave, I want you to have my testimony of motherhood. [Name withheld], there is no greater calling or honor in this world than being a mother to God's precious children. He loves them so very much and wants them to experience this beautiful earth life. Nothing in this world can compare with the joy of having our own sweet families. Children are Life's greatest treasures. There is so much pulling for women's attention in our world today and so many seemingly noble distractions. Remember the Church's counsel not to wait. Waiting only puts off our joy.
I love you and wish you the very best. I hope that soon includes a little you or [hubby] to cuddle to sleep each night. [Heart]

Love always,
Your grateful visit-teachee
Mary Shade

The World is a Stage

I recently read about a fellow alumni, Aurora Dickamore, of Brigham Young University, who just toured Broadway as the lead in My Fair Lady. As acting used to be a favorite pursuit of mine, I have thought a lot about the different paths our lives have taken these past several months...

[Photo Courtesy of BYU Magazine]

She and I graduated the same time April of 2011. I was sick and pregnant (finally!) and in the middle of a move. She was about to get married and embark on the adventure of a lifetime, performing as Eliza Doolittle across America. While I realize what an amazing opportunity this was for her, I can't help but feel humbly grateful for my own very different experiences.

My "Fair Lady"

In the past six months, I delivered a baby...learned to be a mother...witnessed my very own tiny girl's first smile...listened to her first laugh [on Christmas Day]... watched her beam with pride as she first rolled over and steadied her with my own hands as she learned to sit up on her own...fed her every single meal of my own milk and gloried in the praise I received from her pediatrician for her chubby rolls of fat...basked in the applause of her every smile and cried with her in her most tender moments.

That scary but rewarding night in the NICU

My Little Sleeping Angel

Our First Walk Together

I estimate that I have changed over 1,000 diapers by now and I am proud of every single one of them. So many people think that being a mother is monotonous, but I got to thinking, how monotonous is singing "The Rain in Spain" every. day. for. six. months? How about 136 performances of the same lines, same songs, and the same choreography over...and over...and over...I know from experience that there are many thrilling moments being on stage and a fair share of validation and praise. I love theater and film and hope to continue to find ways to stay appropriately involved in the arts throughout my life. There's just nothing more fulfilling and satisfying than creating and raising a little human being. Period. My Little Me does new things nearly every day, she smiles at me and giggles when  I do or say something funny. She snuggles into my neck, sleeps on my chest or naps in my arms. She wraps her chubby fist around my finger and pats my face and mouth when I talk to her. She pumps her little legs and feet when she is excited and squeals with delight when she is happy. I love to see her happy. It fulfills me so deeply. I truly love being a mother and am savoring this gift I have been given. Thank you my little darling for every thing you have taught me these past six wonderful months!!!

1 Hour Old

1 Month

2 Months

3 Months

4 Months

5 Months

6 Months

Thank you my little Hannah for making me a wonderfully happy and proud mama!!! I love you sweetheart!!!

life is so life...

Life is so life...and it is so wonderful. I have been a brat. A real brat and a snob and I am feeling so convicted tonight. Convicted for my immense ingratitude for the immeasurable blessings I enjoy. Convicted for the feelings I've had since my daughter was born (it has truly been a challenge but oh, what a blessing!!!) I lay in bed tonight next to my precious daughter as tears seeped from my eyes. Some people will never have the experience of bearing a child or raising a family in their whole lifetime . How could I forget how close I came to being one of those unfortunate people? Unfortunate, because I believe that having a family is the most important thing anyone could ever do in this life. And I once feared it might never happen for me...

And somehow it did. Somehow God's beautiful Plan for me did include a family. A wonderful, loving husband and a perfect, oh-so-perfect daughter who fills me with joy every day. I cannot get over how blessed I am. And yet I've had the nerve to feel sorry for myself. Sorry that breastfeeding did not go as planned. Sorry that my daughter needs to be held so much that my wrists ache and I struggle to accomplish anything else and sorry it can take so much work sometimes to get her to sleep. Work that will last a few mere months in the grand scheme of things? And then she will grow up and sleep on her own and I will shed tears for the loss of those tender moments when she sank into sleep in my arms...or on my shoulder...or "on tap" as she often is (her favorite place to be is nursing - which is thankfully not so painful for me now...)

Yes, motherhood is work. But it is heavenly work. It is a noble task that God asks so much of us, but He gives us back so much more - a beautiful daughter who steals my heart every day of the week...a husband who works his whole life away so that I can be home with our precious baby...the privilege of living my girlhood dream. Didn't we all grow up playing house and longing for the doll in our arms to take a breath or cry a real cry? I did. I yearned for it so hard I would ache inside and I wanted nothing more than to have a family of my own. How could I take all I have ever wanted for granted? 


It didn't come easily for me either. I cried through most of my twenties, longing for a husband of my own. I would seethe inside every time a woman put down her husband or took her marriage for granted. I would feel angry at each mother who would (unnecessarily) leave her children in the full-time care of others and cringe at parents who would yell at their children and belittle them in public. Each offense would strengthen my resolve to be better when I had the opportunity. To be the kind of wife and mother I rarely saw in those around me. Yes I judged these people and yes I set lofty goals for myself, but how far I have fallen from my ideal. I have snapped at my husband in front of others and become frustrated with Hannah. I am not the perfect wife/mother/homemaker I aimed to be. It takes time and I am learning that this is a process. I can become that wife/mother/homemaker....just not all at once.

Sometimes life is just hard. Sometimes it really is. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I think I am learning to accept the fact that even imperfection can be truly beautiful. If we let it. I'm learning that it does no good to be a complainer. I'm learning that we have to learn to be patient and not want everything at all at once (thank you, Dr. Obvious...). I'm learning that when we have things really good, it may not be the time to ask for more. Just enjoy the things (and people) we have. Wanting another baby when mine is not even six months old yet is an innocent wish and I am hoping for one soon, but how about focusing on the one I have now and being grateful I even have a baby? Remember how I worried that wasn't going to happen? Oh how selfish and greedy I can be. And yes, children are a better thing to be greedy for than say, material possessions, but greed is still greed. I am SO lucky to have my dreams come true.